The little smoke

They told me it is more likely to get back to smoking after 1, 3 months, 1 year and 2 years. Not sure where these statistics have been taken from but it is apparently certain, according to a NHS doctor.

I had no problems in the first month, I was in fact surprised on how days were passing without having any cravings. None! I was the queen of quitting! Then, all of a sudden, these last 2 days, I have been having serious cravings and delusions. Seriously seeing myself enjoying a cigarette after dinner or thinking it wouldn’t be so bad if I had just one. And I know I can’t have just one. I am staying clean, but I feel a bit dirty inside. Like going backwards! Well, I keep doing my best, just a bit gutted this was getting so easy, and now I find myself in this situation…

Every time I hear of someone has given in again after years of being clean I think “How could they? Surely it must taste so horrible you can’t really stand a puff?”, but now, I don’t, nothing seems clear. The only thing I see, is this terrible addiction never ever goes away completely, there is a constant fight, at different levels I hope.

I guess, it is time to warrior up then. Bring it on!

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