Time flies

I would have never thought I would make it this far so easy. Every now and then it comes to my mind that I want to smoke, or that I could try to be one of these occasional smokers. I tried years ago and lasted a year smoking only on the weekends. Didn’t work obviously. Because the mind has so many way of tricking us…”just one is fine”, “I need a smoke to calm me down”, ” I need to smoke after dinner”…

When one of this thoughts come to my mind, I just imagine being a smoker again, and how many times I wanted to quit, how much I hated the smell on my clothes, the dependence, the weakness I felt when I thought I wouldn’t be able to quit…and those cravings go away 🙂

Do you have any tricks? How do you deal with your cravings?

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The Hollow

I guess this is what we find it hardest to deal with: the hollow. The void feeling that suddenly attacks you from nowhere, and places itself in the area between your mouth and your stomach in the blink of an eye. That feeling that you can’t shake with anything else different than a smoke. A deep puff. There is no way you can appease that beast with any type of food, drink or anything you can put in your mouth (because it needs to be coming in the mouth).

In those cases, that are happening around one or twice a day now, I embrace it. Instead of trying to shake it off my head, I speak to it. I imagine myself having a smoke, and the feeling of the smoke through my throat and my lungs, and I feel the disgusting taste and the rough pass of it through my trachea. I remember that I don’t want that any more, that I decided not to have it my life or my body again, and then I kill it. The monster dies and I feel stronger and happier than before it showed up.

To me it’s not a matter of will power, it’s a matter of knowing who you are and what you want (even if it is just in this issue, and you are lost in everything else, like me).

The Downs

This is one of those moments where you usually would like to smoke. You would smoke your life away and believe that it helps you forget or at least smooth your problems. When something happens and your soul gets sad, or you discover a friend is no longer a friend, or a problem in your relationship, when you can’t achieve your goal…that moment when you feel so down your heart aches and you have nowhere to go and cry it off, the smokers rely on fags to feel better. It doesn’t make it better. But you think it helps. Or at least it feels like you can take it better.

Well, I’m in one of those moments right now, and I am not smoking. And it doesn’t make any difference. The pain is the same and no cigarette would help, and I know. I am having some cravings, but it makes no sense at all to add one more negative thing to my life right now, does it? Smoking would just make me feel weaker, and worse.

So at least, after 11 days, I have decided not to have one, not one more. And this makes me feel stronger. And I can see something positive I done, so hopefully it will help come out of my dark hole sooner.

Resist!

Upgrading my health!

Well, day 9 and today I only had cravings one time, at night when I arrived home. Easily overcome, I am ecstatic about this, and my world has open a new door: if I can do this, I can do anything!

I can’t believe it, almost 10 days without smoking, so easily, after maybe 20 years of smoking…if I had known, I would have done it earlier. To be honest, I did about 10 years go. I quit for about a year, but still smoke the odd one, social cigarettes until I came back. So I know that there is still chances to go back to smelly slavery, but that only makes me more aware of it, so stronger.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell is, not only my sense of smell has widened, I think my mindset and my perspective has changed. It’s like I can see more clearly now. It’s been some years now since I improved my lifestyle, adding more vegetables, removing processed food from my diet, less sugar, more superfoods…also introducing some habits like drinking warm lemon water in the morning instead of coffee, practising yoga or kung fu and chi kung, running (I don’t always do all this, but at some point in my life I am doing one or another, though I should do more often).

Well today I started doing something I always wanted to try, the Golden Milk. I know it sounds like some kind of porn practice, but if you do some research you will find out the amazing effects of turmeric, so one more point in my health routine score, yay!

Also, I think I have remembered what made me thrill 10 years ago, something that has been dormant in the back of my mind making me feel like I was a bit lost. I found my passion back 🙂

Is all that because of quitting smoking? I doubt it but surely has to do with it. It’s a state of mind.

Day 6

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand…yup, I made it to day 6, almost one weeks without smoke! I feel so brave, so strong and so empowered! The fear was making me delay this decision, but now I realise I had nothing to be scared of! So basically, I still have small cravings every now and then: the first in the morning, after lunch and after dinner. But when it comes to my head, instead of trying to delete the feeling, I embrace it, and remember how I always wanted to be a non-smoker. I think of how happy I am that I don’t need to smoke, I just don’t have to do it any more! That was the feeling I had sometimes before, like I had to do it. No one can tell you what to do, or what to behave. I think in my case it was a mix of laziness, fear of failure, and a very loud ego shouting all the time that I need to be indulged somehow…you know what, I will find other ways to indulge myself other than enslave me into addiction, thanks.

My hands smell normal, my clothes don’t smell like old smoke, and I don’t have any cough at all. Also I have noticed my teeth feel a bit strange, and my gums are bleeding a little. This is because tobacco makes your vessels contract, so when you stop smoking, the circulation goes back to normal and it needs some time to readjust.

Guys, totally recommended so far, if you want to give it a go, start now! I read Allan Carr’s book, and that was the last push I needed to change my mindset from “stopping smoking” to “starting being a non-smoker”.

Live is much better when you think positive 😉

Smoking myself slowly

Well, well, finally here I am.  After years and years of wanting to NOT be a smoker and several attempts of quitting, this is finally it. Finally I have seen the light, and now I am finally a non smoker. This is my day 3. I know you think “well, day 3 is rubbish, you’ve not gone nowhere yet!”, but seriously guys, this time I KNOW.

I have been a smoker for most of my life. Started that cheeky cigarette with a friend in my teens to make us feel glamorous and old (What the fuck??! Seriously??) and I hadn’t stopped since. I’ve never been a very heavy smoker, but very constant. As most of the smokers, I didn’t enjoy most of my cigarettes, but my brain thought I reeeeeaaally enjoyed most of them…that yummy fag after dinner with the coffee, mmmm.

That’s why it took me so long to be able to stop. Because somewhere in my grey matter (not in my soul, tainted with tobacco stains) I thought I loved to smoke, I thought I couldn’t deal with not having it, I thought I would have to struggle to be smoke free. But then you realise you don’t have to pay too much attention to your brain, and maybe more to your heart. And in the bottom of my heart, I hated smelling like an ashtray, hated being a slave (me, such a strong woman, defeated by corporations and addictions…!) and hated the most being incoherent, trying to live such a healthy lifestyle, with all that organic food and non-parabens bloody shampoo, home-made cleaning products and all…and still putting the damn toxic smoke straight into my lungs. It seemed to make no sense at all and was starting to annoy me big time.

Also, because the fear of failure was sitting in the back of my neck, watching me inside, fiercely, threatening.

Well so, this is day 3. I decided to be a smoker last Wednesday. My breath already tastes much better, I have no morning cough, and my hands and hair don’t  smell. This is it so far. But the best thing is one that can’t be felt by anyone by me. Freedom.